I read an anonymous quote, “Not all persons that call to check on you really care about you; some of them actually want to make sure you are not doing better them.” It is very disheartening to know that some people think your success is impedimenta to theirs whether they are in the same field with you or not. They are typically so concerned and believe you have no reason to do better than them because they have better education, qualification, skill and talent so you have no reason to be better than them or they think why should you have so much when they don’t? They think they should have been the one occupying your position.

From one of John C. Maxwell’s book, I read a story of when he met an old school friend who walked up to him at the end of a conference meeting where Maxwell was a speaker and after they had exchanged pleasantries, they began recalling few other colleagues that they both knew. The man was very comfortable talking about how a couple of those people he had seen recently were not doing so well but his emotion sharply shifted when it came to Maxwell and few others that had risen above average. According to the story, he almost got near tears as he was asking Maxwell how he has come to make it so much but he is still struggling with everything in life. From the conversation, Maxwell wrote that the man wasn’t so concerned about what to do or how he could change fortune for himself. Rather, he kept asking how come Maxwell has made so much success. It was obvious he could have been happier if they both had been on the same level or if he was doing better than Maxwell. There are people like that everywhere.

A friend like a brother, Mr. Oluwaseyifunmi Peters also shared about his High School mate who made a comment that one of the reasons why most of their mates hadn’t been turning out for the alumni meeting is because they feel they are not doing well enough compared to how some others that were their mates are doing. That got me to thinking. That means they would have not mind the open if they are doing better than others or perhaps just as others are doing. Such attitude unconsciously breeds resentment and bad wishes towards those we perceive to be doing better than us.

It is very important to realize some facts about this life that we’re living in; some things are predetermined and you can’t change them. What you choose to do with these facts is the only control you have and the good news is, you can make absolute difference by what you do with you have. Here are some of the facts of life:

We all begin at different spot.
Nobody born into this world ever chose where he/she wants to be born or into which family to be born and that is the beginning. No man ever choose his starting point, it was predetermined and chosen for you by destiny. But it is good to also know that your starting point has nothing to do with your destination. Some started very big but ended up small while some started not only small, but with nothing. Yet, their habour was incomparably huge. Note: never trust or get troubled because of your beginning, where you come from, financial background, family history or parental status. They did not choose you, neither did you decide them. Just accept it!

We’re all giving something.
From the popular parable of the master that shared talents to his servants, we get to know that no one in this race of life ever came empty. No matter how tiny or seemingly insignificant you think what you have is, it is just enough to get you what you want and where you are going to. Most people face the same problem the last servant in the parable had; he thought he could do nothing with what he had and rather trashed it. Worst situation for some is that they don’t even know what they have! Note: think and figure out what gift or talent you have. Develop it into great skill and let it make fortune for you.

Life’s a choice.
Many people have not come to terms with this fact about life. I always say, “Whatever comes the way of a man is meant to be but he decides whether it remains temporal or permanent.” Life and living are choices. How we live our life is the choice we make irrespective of whether we consciously or otherwise make the choice because failing to make a choice is also a choice you have chosen to make. In case you fail to make any choice, it will be made for you and you have to live with it. Note: your life is in your hands, if you fail to make decisions or take bold steps that will take you to places you desire, then you have no one to blame for remaining at one spot but yourself.

“If life’s a choice, what choice have you made?”

Life’s a race but we run in different tracks.
Everyone knows life’s a race but we need to realize the fact that we run on different tracks. Some are in marathon, double relay huddles and some are in single relay, sprints etc. We run on different tracks and we don’t have the same finish-line so there’s no point running on someone else’s timing. How fast or slow others are does not determine your pace and yours has nothing to do with theirs. Note: we will all get to our destinations only if we are tenacious enough and it matters nothing whether somebody gets to theirs before you get to yours. No one can take your destiny or run your race. Even if you fall and it doesn’t matter how many times, rice again. Don’t hate!

Life’s a bus.
Life is like a bus; it goes nowhere in particular but can take you everywhere. Imagine yourself in a commuter bus, everybody has different destination and you will be a fool to alight at someone else’s bus-stop simply because they’ve arrive on time. Your dilemma will worsen if you don’t even know where you are going because everywhere will look like it; you will end up in a cycle. Note: know what you are cut out for and how you want to get to where you are going to avoid wasting your life and dissipating energy on fruitless ventures that may cause you to lament or resent others. Blame no one for your failure.

I can go on and on with these facts but I will assume that they are not what you don’t already know. My dear lady friend, Elizabeth Ezekiel will always say, “Happiness is not an option.” Sure it is not but some still never make the choice to be happy and they blame other people for their sadness, that’s cruel if you ask me. If you haven’t ever come across the book “Who Moved My Cheese” by Spencer Johnson, M.D, I’ll recommend you get it to read and understand how things get to happen right under your nose and forming ignorance of these events will only be at your own detriment.

Thanks for letting me share some of my insight with you.

You mind to share some other facts of life? Post them here in the comment box.

Naomi is one of the most wonderful amongst the students I have because of the peculiarity in her nature. When I first took her on for tutoring, she’s absolutely not the most brilliant I’ve ever seen yet never the dullest but there’s one word that was never printed on the life dictionary of this my precious student, that is, courage! Beside the fact that she was so scared, she thinks she’ll mess up her academics and disappoint lots of people. Self-confidence was another thing she thinks is reserved for the angels or may be specially chosen ones like her two siblings who she thinks have no fear and are better off. I kept wondering what to do reach out to her but truth be told, I practically had no idea. Until I gradually began to unfold and understand who she is, that’s when I started to think of what to do differently to help her because one of the greatest mistake a teacher or parent can make is to think of all the students or children to be the same and try to apply same method of tutoring or nurturing to them all.  

It was very funny how I got to have the brightest light into Naomi’s personality. She was asked to write a poem and when I read it, I noticed that she’d personified herself in the poem and she bared herself in words she wouldn’t have ordinarily thought were describing her. I was thrilled by the way and manner she lived herself inside out on paper and I realized the beauty of her mind.

Here, read Naomi’s poem;
I’m standing here, can you see me? No, you can’t
I am invincible to the eyes of the world, the land and the seas
I sit here quietly, shhhh! Not making any sound
I am like a statue of steel, skeleton of iron
Covered with clay and coated with brass
Beautiful to behold, not talking just looking

I believe. Yes! I believe!

Just like every other teenager, I see the battle of life that ravages my dearest’s heart. It is such a battle that every adult had once fought too but it’s unfortunate that this generation is having this battle close to its peak and in another dimension not in their favour. Then I wonder what the yet unborn generation will have to scale through! Like my Naomi, most teenagers think no one understands them or knows what their yearnings actually are because they are so preoccupied and more than a million questions in their heart shout for answers.

Formative years in a man’s life are his childhood years but the teen years are the decisive years. They decide who they want to be, life they’ll choose to live and how they want to live it. This is why it’s very important that parents/guidance don’t lose touch on their child at these critical years. Teenagers will be tempted to overrule the counsel of their parent in favor of their friend’s or outsider’s advice but this will be no issue if they have trusted their parent much enough. The onus of trust falls mostly on the parents based on the manner they have handled the affairs of their teenagers. Some parents can’t even beat their chest to say categorically who their teenager is, in terms of the personality, temperament, abilities etc and these are most times the silent part of the teenager’s life that cries loudest; who am I or nobody knows me!

Well, after a while, Naomi gradually found her feet. She’s finally ready to fly and soar like an eagle, trusting that even when she seem falling, there’s an invisible hand of her Maker ever ready to lift her up; and with her understanding and caring parent, she can achieve anything.

What a privilege and grace I’ve found being used in shaping a life!

Life is like paper and we are the pen. A plain paper is this life that is waiting to be written upon because every waking day is a blank page that presents us with the opportunity to write on in the manner of what we desire to write. For some people, it’s very long and plenteous pages while others are not very lucky to have wide and full pages to display their prolific endowment.

The life we live is the ink writing on the pages of life. Every acts and actions we display at any moment are the letters and words that make sentences and subsequent paragraphs on the pages of life. Shouldn’t we be mindful of what we do and write on these pages because they are very conspicuous for all to read? Just like you will take a pause to think each time you hold a pen to scribble on a piece of paper, you should learn to take a pause to think about that act or action you’re about to display because it’s a chain reaction. You can’t afford to be inconsistent in your writing but that’s what happens if your writings are not linkable in any form. Doing that makes you like a child that is meddling with a pen on paper and you can be sure of what to read when he’s done- jargons! Is that what you’ll want your life to be? Same way, when you find it difficult, as a result of negligence, to write a readable sentence even when you have the right letters (acts) and words (actions) but have no link to form the simplest sentence because of your inconsistencies in what you do now and in the next minute, or you write in a language that is strange to your environment, everyone around will have no doubt than to tag you “jotter” where they can only take note and make occasional but less important writings on, and treat you same manner unlike if were a diary.

Consider this fact, inks are indelible on paper just like whatever you write on the pages of life are permanent- you cannot erase it, you can only correct it. Have you seen what a piece of paper with shaded jags on every part in the name of trying to erase or cover mistakes? Rough! That’s the term that will characterize such life when you waste your time tracing backward all the time in the attempt to clean up or better say, cover up your mistakes. Rather, you should move on in writing by doing what will remedy your previous error. This is why you cannot afford to mess up your pages. Take time to consider by proofreading every line and paragraph because they are the only precedents and foundation on which subsequent actions and behaviors will be built. The life you lived yesterday is simply what leads you to the one you’re living today.  

Here’s one other thing to note; when the ink is out in every common and available pen, the remains that is; the casing become of no value than to be trashed or crushed. The quantity and quality of your ink is the only thing you have no control over because they are determined by the Maker but you have the absolute liberty to write what will either thrill or throw away the people around your life. Some people have wasted their ink on careless and non-profitable writings and it becomes unfortunate to see how the other pages and spaces of their life are wasted. What could have a brilliant piece of work will then turn out to be an incomplete and a simply wasted life not well lived.

We should also not forget that the entire usefulness of a pen is in the content- the ink it has. Someday the entire ink shall be used up; all spent and finished! What will remain will be the useless casing. What do you do with an empty casing? Trash it?! Yes, trashing is the end of the casing no matter how nice it is or looked. The body is trashed to the dust from where we come and we’ll return eventually. Nobody will remember how beautiful the case looked; everyone will quickly forget how gorgeous your face looked when you’re alive. It will no longer matter whether you were dark, brown, white or red in colour but all that will ever be remembered is what the ink has written; what life you have lived. The sentences and paragraphs you’ve composed with your acts and actions that will make up the story or novel is all that will be available for people to read and remember when you are gone but never forgotten.  

Have you been writing good and making nice sentences all along? Congratulations to you because you are leaving a bestseller behind for people to read and be blessed with. But if you’ve have been writing so badly or making whether deliberate or unintended mistakes, don’t waste your time looking for cleaner to rub it off because inks are indelible. If you force an ink on paper to clean, you will unavoidably cause bruises on the paper of your life. Your mistakes are enough pain to bear, why making it more grievous and sour? Leave behind all the shading you’ve done to cover your errors and rather determine to turn a new leave on your page of life and move on writing entirely new things. It doesn’t matter what you’ve been writing before now but what you’ll begin to write as from now is what matter most.

Your life is the paper and the way you live is the pen that writes on the paper!    

English language came to the Sounthern Protectorate in 15th century before it was amalgamated with the Northern Protectorate to form Nigeria years later in 1914, through Portuguese traders and later the missionaries and colonial masters. English found its way into education gradually through the education code of 1882 which recommended the payment of grants to schools where English is taught. Today, it has become an all-important language in Nigeria. It is the language of science and technology, commerce, trade, administration education and means of national and international communication.

One would have expect or wish that the attainment of independence in 1960 and the casting off of the yoke of imperialism, the language referred to as the language of conquest and oppression would have been abolished. On the contrary, the English language has come to stay as the official language despite the fact that Nigerians have their indigenous languages before the arrival of the white man. The imposed language has since then become Nigerian language. Our indigenous languages have been replaced by English even at homes where there is inter-tribal marriages and worst still in intra-tribal marriage homes where the children could have picked the language of one or both of the parents. But it’s saddening that most parents do not see the need to typically get their children to identify with their mother-tongue and heritage beyond what they in their certificates as an indigene of a certain place. Unfortunately, most parents will be so ashamed if their children will attend any contest in local language speaking because they can hardly say a word in that tongue. English is been used as a medium of communication and instruction. I conclude that most children of this generation are simply lost but worst still, it may not get better with the current trend if we all don’t rise up to see this as a menace.

Our Language and Culture
We put aside the fact that one of the characteristics of language is that, it expresses our culture and values. The white man has eventually taken over our cultural heritage or I should say we’ve sold all to them. English language has become the means that determine the progress that students can make in their quest to acquire higher education and prestigious employment. Similarly, students are not promoted into higher classes it they do not do well in English language in school. It is the medium of instruction from Primary up to the University level and beyond. Internal and external examinations are written in English except where the indigenous language is learnt as subject.

This being very necessary should give the government of Nigeria a great concern over the decline of students’ performances in external examinations in English. No wonder some UK schools will still require prospective students seeking admission to take TOEFL and some other English test to ascertain their ability to learn and communicate when they eventually gain the admission. We have embraced the language yet it’s amazing how poorly most people even students use the language both in oral and written. At least if we must use it, let it be properly used.

Apart from the role English plays in Nigeria education, it functions as a language of accommodation. English is in fact, the world language. Nigerians use it at international functions; it is the language of diplomacy. For instance, at Common Wealth, ECOWAS or any other international body or organization, Nigeria has no other provision for any other language than English for taking part in the deliberations. The mass media, both print and electronic use English language. In religions domains, English is used for sermons. The realistic role of English in Nigeria is endless. It is our unifying factor for development, since language in a human phenomenon is used to establish social relationship and interaction.

It is therefore unrealistic to think that any of our Nigerian languages can replace English as far as globalization and development is concerned. Though, the language was imposed on us, we still have to “let the sleeping dog lie” and face reality. English language is indeed the necessary evil that cannot be done away wish in Nigeria. The English language and its people has taken a lot from us yet our generation today is never tired of giving more considering how our daily lives encircles round western ideologies while our culture and heritage gradually slip away from our grasp.

Summarily, we should appreciate the good English language and its people have done to us as a nation and people because amalgamation of Nigeria would have in first place been impossible noting the fact that we have overly diversified ethnics groups in Nigeria with different languages but personally, I fair for the extinction of our languages, culture and heritage in this status-quo be maintained without any pragmatic action from the homes and society of every tribe and tongue in this country.

“Anyway, I could I have been able to communicate this piece to the world if not in English language? My point, let’s learn to write and speak English the way it ought to be and alongside be as versatile in the oratory and prolific handling of our own languages to preserve our treasure and generation. God authored every language and some evolved from another but we should not undermine the creativity of the Creator with our voluntary or involuntary acts of causing some into extinction.”

I can’t be sure of what you may define a successful relationship to be but in my opinion, it is such that graduates you into engagement status; a guarantee level if I must say.
My belief, and confirmation from elders and people I consider to have authority and good moral ground in marital affairs is that relationship level is not a ground to test-run girls/guys but you can always double-check even till you’ll say “I do”. I’m of the school of thought that believes marriage to be sole essence of every relationship. If not, it shouldn’t have
been taken beyond dating level.

Relationship should be mutually consented into by both parties involved although it is also common that a guy and a lady who has grown fond of each other may find themselves rolled into relationship but it must not be left to chance as soon as they both come to the awareness of what they have gotten themselves into. It must not be assumed or pretended if you wish for its
success. This simply gets down to 2-basic facts that are the core ingredients of every successful relationship.
They are;

1. WILLINGNESS
You cannot expect to have a successful relationship when either of the parties is not fully aware or pretends to be unaware of what is passing emotionally between him/her and the other person. More importantly, there must be mutual agreement to consent to relationship
with the other person after both parties have thoroughly considered the pros and cons of what they are getting themselves into. They must willingly begin and agree to continue or discontinue the relationship instead of nurturing the thought of “things will sort our itself or time will tell”.
Relationship should not be “implied” because it will be an act of seriously malicious emotional suicidal mission to assume you are having an affair with someone who thinks otherwise after you must have given your all in response to his/her simple act of kindness-without-a-string-attached. You can simply be
judged to be selfish and unjust if you lay any claim or allegation that he/she broke your heart.
Why should you let your heart be broken?
Do not let the melancholic nature of a guy/lady cloud you to think that he/she has an uncompromising feelings for you because that is just whom he/she is in nature and you forget to take the bitty-gritty to decide your life.

“Safe your fragile heart by discerning if he/she is just playing out him/her caring self or has genuine interest in you. “Express” yourselves in clear and agreeable terms to relief the pains of assumptions.”

2. COMMITMENT
This is the most simply-complex part of every
successful relationship. Yes, simply-complex! That is, simple but yet complex in the sense that you can choose to make or mire your relationship based on your commitment level. Most people are of the opinion that both parties to a relationship must come to the table to share a 50-50 kind of love but I’ll will rather subscribe to a 100-100 tender that can be combined to form another whole 100.
Successful relationship requires total participation and a committed effort from both parties to make it work. You must be ready to stand up for each other, face whatever fact and truth available to make a decisive decision.

Struggling through a relationship is not fun especially if you have no prospect of clear victory at the end. There are always road signs and warnings that give you the insight as to what to expect in the relationship.
Although, it should be noted that road signs and
warnings on the trail of relationship exodus are not necessarily road blocks. They can sure be worked on and converted into chances if both are committed to make a significant meaning of the relationship.

“Commitment to each other and to the goal of a successful relationship leading into peaceful marriage is important, not only to help each other get better but also to foster close friendliness between the duo. With commitment, you will learn to tolerate, appreciate and celebrate your spouse.”

Conclusively, take the formula; “willingness and
commitment,” they are the decisive factors of love, trust, endurance, etc that are called the Fruits of the Spirit.

Above all, God is the absolute, final and total way to a successful relationship. Get God, you will get a new and good live to enjoy lasting marriage resulting from successful relationship.

My best novel Author- Ted Dekker must have written his 2008 award winning book “SINNER”. These things are fast coming on us but we seem so insensitive. When all will become chaos, then we’ll turn to bulk passing. The future is here but lots are so blind to notice, let alone see it.

Read the Vanguard report of an incidence in England by Rotimi Fasan:

THE brutal murder of British soldier, Lee Rigby, by two religious terrorists on May 22 is the immediate trigger for this week’s column.

The murder which for its sheer brutality has been rightly identified for the barbaric act that it was has left many wondering what kind of hatred could have caused it. It was a throwback to the age of tribal wars and battles when relatively crude implements were the preferred weapons of offense.

The attackers momentarily turned a space in the 21st century into the age of head hunters when alike sharp and blunt knives and machetes came in handy as tribal groups tackle their enemies. And so it was that Rigby’s attackers, one of whom has been identified as Michael Adebolajo (Adeboloja?), a Briton of Nigerian descent, set upon their victim with machetes, knives and a meat cleaver.

While meat cleavers may not be very familiar sight here in Nigeria, anyone who has seen one of these instruments of British butchers would know what horror was enacted on the streets of Woolwich, the southeast London community, where Rigby was hacked down in broad day light and before moving cameras.

To make their gory job easier and in apparent recognition of how uneasy it would be to take on a soldier straight on knuckle for knuckle, these terrorists who tried to pass off their ignoble acts as one motivated in defense of their religion, had two things in their favor. One was surprise. The other thing was that they ran their victim down with a vehicle thereby seizing the unfair advantage as they, these cowardly terrorists always do.

They proceeded to put on a performance for the cameras with their bloody hands and clothes in full view while asking outraged passersby to take their pictures and/or call in the police. Well, these religious showmen never like to pass up any photo opportunity. Where they do not exist they create them- they simply must have their time in the spotlight no matter how brief.

In the wake of the attack, Muslim leaders in the UK and around the world have been loud in condemning a terrible murder they claim gives a bad name to their religion. They want the world to believe and accept that their religion is all about peace. This may well be the case but these leaders need to ask themselves why one religion spawns so many murderous elements from within its fold or creates room for people who use its name to perpetrate unspeakable evil.

The answer to this may not be so difficult to arrive at giving the kind of utterances some of these so-called leaders routinely spout. The increasing and misleading radicalization of Muslim youths may not be unconnected to the rhetoric of hate some of the people who speak as leaders of their religion adopt when addressing sensitive issues of religion.

They make it look like the religion is always in need of defenders whose only means of operation is violence. We see and hear these in the utterances of some of these self-styled leaders of fast mushrooming organizations that their founders routinely use as platforms for spreading hateful rhetoric.

With Nigeria and Nigerians increasingly appearing on the world stage as terror artists there is the need for the state and those genuine Muslims who can truly see what moral burden their religion is being put under to be bold in their condemnation of the activities and, especially, utterances of their members and others who simply use the name of the religion for their own purposes.

One such organization in my view is the Muslim Rights Concern, MURIC, whose so-called director, Is-haq Lakin Akintola, has attacked the Lagos State governor and the State’s Commissioner of Education, Olayinka Oladunjoye, as declaring war against Muslims for restricting use of hijab in public schools in the state.

Mr. Akintola has probably never witnessed a riot to say nothing of a war yet he makes perfunctory statements on war as if he is ready for one. His belligerent rhetoric, as reported in the Vanguard of May 23 is the stuff on which murderous elements like Adeboloja are weaned. ( And talking about Adebolajo, it is right that Nigerians should reject any attempt to link him to this country.

He may be of Nigerian descent but he is a British product who probably has never set his foot on any part of Nigeria. Nigerians are in my view within their rights to reject any link with this scum of the human species. We can do without the negative publicity from him and his likes).

When acts or policies people are opposed to are viewed in martial terms, as belligerent actions targeted at particular groups/religions or communities rather than issues that could be debated amicably, members of such groups or communities, especially the lunatic fringe, feel justified to launch what they consider appropriate acts of war in retaliation. The process for such radicalization is often subtle and subliminal but the consequences are not.

The attackers of Rigby claimed they wanted to start a war. Indeed Michael Adebolajo has been described as quiet and easygoing. The same thing we heard about Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, the Nigerian underwear bomber, who tried to blow up American planes a few years back.

When did people like these get to that tipping point when they believe they have to commit abominable acts of terror against defenseless people if not by constant exposure to the hateful utterances of so-called religious leaders who turn around, Pontius Pilate-style, to wash their hands off violent acts their utterances caused?

There have been too many hateful preachers in our midst in recent times all making glib pronouncements on war- from Asari Dokubo, the expired militia man who blows hot and cold in his attitude to the Jonathan administration, to the cowardly terrorists who have turned Northern Nigeria into a war zone. This now is time to rein in these preachers of hate before they bring the house down on us all.